Just one gaze from you, I melted

It was one afternoon and the last day of our final exams. I was ready to go home but I remembered I have to stay in the SAO office for the signing of clearances, my autograph was in demand these days.(hahaha) Well, I got hungry of waiting so I went to the canteen to go buy some snacks and decided to eat it in the office. On the way up, I saw Mr. Nice Guy on the railings looking at the court, I didn’t mind and head on to the office, I ate my snacks on the  bench just outside the office because I don’t want to listen to Sir talking with a never ending story I’ll just be sleepy and get bored. I was minding my business when Mr. Nice Guy sat on the opposite side of the bench, I shouldn’t care right? But that moment felt awkward, there was silence all over the place, I couldn’t talk to him or just even share my food (what the hell?!) he just kept on looking at his cellphone and me? Still eating my snacks and drinking a lot of water, thank god I didn’t choke!

 I had a crush on him but it wasn’t to the highest level so it was really awkward right? When someone passes by that’s the time when we moved our heads although our eyes meet but I just froze. Inside of me isn’t working right, my heart was beating faster and my mind was going crazy! What was the meaning of this? I just felt relieved when other students asked him a question and my bottle emptied of water so I had an excuse to refill it. When I got back from the bench he left to the bathroom and so I calmed down as I seated back to my place but it wasn’t over! He just finished going to the bathroom and approaching back there was no other way so he will pass in front of me. Shit! I started busying myself with my cellphone listening to some music but as he passed in front of me I looked at him, he also looked at me and I couldn’t even smile.

That day was exhausting! As I went home, my mom asked me what was going on with me, I couldn’t tell her because even I can’t explain my feelings. Even if that day was over I still can’t get that moment from my mind. Gheezz! It sucks!

Maniwala Ka Sana - PnE (stick fig.)

Complicated!

      There are some things in this world that is hard to accept and to let go. Either you MOVE ON with the present or stay in the past, it's your choice. But life is a series of journey, you just can't stay at one corner and cry because the one you love lost their attention on you no matter how far or how long your relationship had been, you can't prevent the fact that people change especially when you thought you finally found the one but there is someone who can make you even more happy when you are with them.

      If love between the both of you is strong then nothing in the world can break your bond while if there is a love triangle it is either because you're longing for the one you love that is far away (long distance relationships) or you just simply lost your love with the first person because of personal reasons. If the second person satisfied the happiness you've been longing, the love that is invisible can be warmth and grow like a dangerous drug that can be addictive giving your whole identity leading to denying of friends and family creating a world that only you two can understand and the population is 2.

      When things get complicated and everything spills out, your friends try to help even if you didn't expect them to because that is genuine friendship. They do the best they can to help you in a way that the problem doesn't get any worst. Hearing both sides would be nice to make things clearer but only if both cooperates and with pride lowering it's ego.

Can't Stand It

At sa mga panahong wala akong magawa instead of studying para sa upcoming Midterms ay naisipan kung gumawa ng video at kumanta narin na parang ume.echo lang sa likod ng musika. Bago pa naman ang laptop ko may webcam pa eh di sinubukan ko nalang kung gumagana nang mabuti. Paalala Huwag niyong husgahan ang mukha ko dahil kahit may maipintas kayo mukha parin yan at yan ang ibinigay ni God kaya tinanggap ko. Hindi ko masyadong pinarinig ang boses ko at baka uulan sa amin. Sana lang hindi ito mabasa ng mga titser ko at baka buking ako.hahahahaha :P

New Responsibility = Additional Stress!

       There was that time when got elected as class president, I thought it's just simply as directing people to do a task then I just stay relaxed but when school activities started, meetings rushed in and pressures from the teachers popped, I was going crazy all over the place. Running back and forth, even sidewards  just to accomplish a task, monitor my officers and my members plus the pressure of a senior watching my steps and decisions. Those days were exhausting , it's like my body lacks energy to proceed. Damn! I regretted being the president although I have no choice, all votes were unanimous for my name i'm not bragging and all it was decided and I cannot back-out even if I wanted to. The worst part of being the president was catching and taking responsibility of your co-officer even if it was out of my league; being part of a Beauty Contest (BRAIN + BEAUTY) I didn't even possess those two, inspite of whatever reasons I say for an excuse it was not worth acceptable for some of my teachers and for everybody else. Once you've been pointed, there's no way out, especially for me of course because of my damn sense of obedience plus the pressure of my teachers and our seniors I wass left with my pride hurt and shattered.
     I never thought I would say yes when I don't know what the hell am I going to do. My teachers said it would be just easy posing and walking on the stage; Easy! what's so easy about showing my face on public, walking and posing like a statue, I'm not used to exposing myself on public especially with hundreds of people watching me.Then the day of the beauty contest started, I just calmed and didn't expect anything; i did my best and applied what our instructor told us on practice but stage fright is never gone. Although I didn't win anything on that night I can say that I'm proud of myself realizing that I have the GUT to do all those things even if I didn't expect it.

      This school year I was demoted to being the Vice President of our class, which for me is a relief because in this position ít's not as exhausting as being the president BUT! it lead to a more complicating, pressuring and stressing kind of a job because I was elected as being the SBO Treasurer of the Whole Student Body Organization, imagine that! the whole school, the students it's like being a part of the office! Damn! although it's fun holding a big amount of money with the feeling of a millionaire for a while is not as enjoying as it is. During our Acquaintance party I was the one collecting money from room to room (really from 1rst year to 4th year) going up and down using the stairs gave me a strong legs but it was an agony the stress of calculating numbers even if it was simply plus and minus was horrific and going to the venue to pay the rent. The most difficult task was collecting money after the event to pay for the balance was difficult because going room to room to collect the money from the treasurers making excuses of no one paying is mind bugging! it's like they're just taking me that easy. Uurgh! I wish they realize that it's embarassing to go to the owner giving partial payments instead of giving the full amount. Oh well what can I do, I didn't think I could be a part of the Student Organization although I dreamed of becoming one. The pressures and stress from our president is annoying, I am trying to follow as hard as I can and manage my time of responsibility and studies well.

       I am not a superwoman to do everything at once but giving my best shot and not imagining the stress tied with responsibility will be helpful. I just wish I can do if not everything right but just acceptable in a way everyone sees my efforts.

Expectations!

    I hate it when people is expecting something about me! 

It's feels like they're pressuring me to become what they want me to be, you can see it in their eyes even if they didn't say a word. It's like there's no room for me to commit a mistake.That one look in their face when I fail seems like a big cross in my back. The feeling of their disappointment plus mine is hard to cope with. All I do is breakdown and cry in my room screaming "WHY ME?!", wishing to die. It was strike 2 you know, how can I undo all the things I've done? I really don't know what to think of myself anymore. It's like I'm making the same mistake over and over again but never learn from them, something's trying to pull me down even if I'm trying to pick myself up.

Expectations from my parents and my teachers is hard to achieve, I've sacrificed almost everything just to get their approval and yet it feels like they're not satisfied. Can't you understand?! in this situation I need your words of encouragement don't just say it, show it! so that I would know which path to go now that I'm lost. I don't want to be a snail hiding inside of his shell forever. I wish telephone booths were made where in you can turn back time so that I was able to prepare myself but this is reality, there is no time to daydream of impossible things. I have to accept what has happened even if it was that painful for me.

In life there are unexpected twists and turns, some may back down and give up but what I learned is to keep moving forward, it's hard at first but when you slowly  walk and experience more important matters other than feeling a failure at everything. I'll learn to see the other side of life and not give up on what I've dreamed of because this is not the time to retreat, I've already started the battle so I must finish it.

Who was I?

Who was I?

• When I keep your tears from falling
• When I come to ease your pain and sit by your side
• To believe that I was your BEST FRIEND

Am I just another memory to forget?

Is it just a mistake when I held your hand when I felt scared to fall because I taught you would catch me when I break into pieces?

This Love Story has not yet started yet the the first chapter seems to have been written with THE END...