Expectations!

    I hate it when people is expecting something about me! 

It's feels like they're pressuring me to become what they want me to be, you can see it in their eyes even if they didn't say a word. It's like there's no room for me to commit a mistake.That one look in their face when I fail seems like a big cross in my back. The feeling of their disappointment plus mine is hard to cope with. All I do is breakdown and cry in my room screaming "WHY ME?!", wishing to die. It was strike 2 you know, how can I undo all the things I've done? I really don't know what to think of myself anymore. It's like I'm making the same mistake over and over again but never learn from them, something's trying to pull me down even if I'm trying to pick myself up.

Expectations from my parents and my teachers is hard to achieve, I've sacrificed almost everything just to get their approval and yet it feels like they're not satisfied. Can't you understand?! in this situation I need your words of encouragement don't just say it, show it! so that I would know which path to go now that I'm lost. I don't want to be a snail hiding inside of his shell forever. I wish telephone booths were made where in you can turn back time so that I was able to prepare myself but this is reality, there is no time to daydream of impossible things. I have to accept what has happened even if it was that painful for me.

In life there are unexpected twists and turns, some may back down and give up but what I learned is to keep moving forward, it's hard at first but when you slowly  walk and experience more important matters other than feeling a failure at everything. I'll learn to see the other side of life and not give up on what I've dreamed of because this is not the time to retreat, I've already started the battle so I must finish it.

Who was I?

Who was I?

• When I keep your tears from falling
• When I come to ease your pain and sit by your side
• To believe that I was your BEST FRIEND

Am I just another memory to forget?

Is it just a mistake when I held your hand when I felt scared to fall because I taught you would catch me when I break into pieces?

This Love Story has not yet started yet the the first chapter seems to have been written with THE END...

Go P-NOY

            I just realized that we already have a new President, I was blanked out at first because not knowing that he was the one I marked during the elections in the confidence that he will be the right choice and the right person to trust our country with.

            Now that you have been proclaimed as the official president and sitting at the place of service, I am hoping that you'll give us the CHANGE we aspired and as what you have mentioned in your speech. Living as a simple man with dreams of helping our country is the thing I admire in you, with the background of your parents as noble persons I knew I chose the right one. The words you said during the elections are what we expect in your six years of service to our country, those promises is what we anticipate. The hardest job is now in your hands but you are not alone, we are here to help you as hard as we can although we're a bit nuisance and sometimes lazy, with your patience and guidance to lead us we will be strong and united.

I survived June!

I was happy when i looked at the calendar, it was now the month of July! I just realized the first day of school in June was definitely not the best one. We already got into our first lesson in the first week! I thought it would be relaxing because it's the first day but no, our teacher was excited and gave us tons of home works and the following days gave us a quiz. It was way hard to study when your mind has not left day dreaming of summer vacation but in spite of it all, i survived the month June. I know it's shallow to be happy with just experiencing one month of school but I'm proud of myself. The stressful days of the first semester has started, i have tons of research, home work and quizzes to attend to I'm terrified of what's going to happen next but i won't give up! I already survived June and my most powerful weapon is PRAYER, there is nothing impossible when you're trusting him. :)

Undefined Love

 When you thought you had a chance with love, it all comes breaking down with just a few words said. Not knowing it could be true or not, whether it's either of the two, you just suddenly step back and runaway regretting those you thought to be special times then blaming yourself by saying "why did I fell in love with you?" Stupidity is the best answer we can think of. Depressing yourself by saying "I don't want to fall for you!" is not an option. You can't just control or hide what you really feel for that "someone" it shows automatically.

I hate this gooey feeling called "love" the more you expect, the more you are hurt and the hard part is you can't show it. It’s contagious and irreversible once you’re caught; it’s a curse that can’t be cured. Why do we have to fall in love? It’s the biggest question that has many answers but what I’ve learned is that it is part of the human life cycle. We can’t avoid it, everyone must go through it. If it’s that easy to explain then why is it hard for one to cope with it?

If you like someone, why is it hard for us to tell them? It's the best thing to do but difficult for us to accomplish because we fear "rejection" then why are we waiting? If we know there's no chance? Maybe that feeling called "happiness" is one word that best describes it all. The times when you're together is like a puzzle that has been completed, the emptiness is filled with enjoying moments when you're with him in spite of his mistakes and annoying attitude. We can't help jealousy overcome us even if we don't have the authority but what can we do? It's the way love takes us and tells us. We keep on hurting ourselves with those obvious moments, it’s like they’re telling us that we have no chance but deep inside you don’t care as long as we’re happy there is nothing bad about it. Those fantasies about me + you = love is inspiring yet when it comes to reality it is me + you = never, because your thinking that maybe he doesn’t feel the same about you. Those moments might just be nothing or you’re just pushing yourself to someone who doesn’t deserve you. Telling yourself to move forward is hard to do because it all flashes back to when you’re with him.

I keep on telling myself before that love is not worth taking seriously because it’s just like playing a game but when I experienced it, it’s that difficult to deal with especially when you thought you fell in love with the wrong or right person.