Just one gaze from you, I melted

It was one afternoon and the last day of our final exams. I was ready to go home but I remembered I have to stay in the SAO office for the signing of clearances, my autograph was in demand these days.(hahaha) Well, I got hungry of waiting so I went to the canteen to go buy some snacks and decided to eat it in the office. On the way up, I saw Mr. Nice Guy on the railings looking at the court, I didn’t mind and head on to the office, I ate my snacks on the  bench just outside the office because I don’t want to listen to Sir talking with a never ending story I’ll just be sleepy and get bored. I was minding my business when Mr. Nice Guy sat on the opposite side of the bench, I shouldn’t care right? But that moment felt awkward, there was silence all over the place, I couldn’t talk to him or just even share my food (what the hell?!) he just kept on looking at his cellphone and me? Still eating my snacks and drinking a lot of water, thank god I didn’t choke!

 I had a crush on him but it wasn’t to the highest level so it was really awkward right? When someone passes by that’s the time when we moved our heads although our eyes meet but I just froze. Inside of me isn’t working right, my heart was beating faster and my mind was going crazy! What was the meaning of this? I just felt relieved when other students asked him a question and my bottle emptied of water so I had an excuse to refill it. When I got back from the bench he left to the bathroom and so I calmed down as I seated back to my place but it wasn’t over! He just finished going to the bathroom and approaching back there was no other way so he will pass in front of me. Shit! I started busying myself with my cellphone listening to some music but as he passed in front of me I looked at him, he also looked at me and I couldn’t even smile.

That day was exhausting! As I went home, my mom asked me what was going on with me, I couldn’t tell her because even I can’t explain my feelings. Even if that day was over I still can’t get that moment from my mind. Gheezz! It sucks!

Maniwala Ka Sana - PnE (stick fig.)

Complicated!

      There are some things in this world that is hard to accept and to let go. Either you MOVE ON with the present or stay in the past, it's your choice. But life is a series of journey, you just can't stay at one corner and cry because the one you love lost their attention on you no matter how far or how long your relationship had been, you can't prevent the fact that people change especially when you thought you finally found the one but there is someone who can make you even more happy when you are with them.

      If love between the both of you is strong then nothing in the world can break your bond while if there is a love triangle it is either because you're longing for the one you love that is far away (long distance relationships) or you just simply lost your love with the first person because of personal reasons. If the second person satisfied the happiness you've been longing, the love that is invisible can be warmth and grow like a dangerous drug that can be addictive giving your whole identity leading to denying of friends and family creating a world that only you two can understand and the population is 2.

      When things get complicated and everything spills out, your friends try to help even if you didn't expect them to because that is genuine friendship. They do the best they can to help you in a way that the problem doesn't get any worst. Hearing both sides would be nice to make things clearer but only if both cooperates and with pride lowering it's ego.

Can't Stand It

At sa mga panahong wala akong magawa instead of studying para sa upcoming Midterms ay naisipan kung gumawa ng video at kumanta narin na parang ume.echo lang sa likod ng musika. Bago pa naman ang laptop ko may webcam pa eh di sinubukan ko nalang kung gumagana nang mabuti. Paalala Huwag niyong husgahan ang mukha ko dahil kahit may maipintas kayo mukha parin yan at yan ang ibinigay ni God kaya tinanggap ko. Hindi ko masyadong pinarinig ang boses ko at baka uulan sa amin. Sana lang hindi ito mabasa ng mga titser ko at baka buking ako.hahahahaha :P

New Responsibility = Additional Stress!

       There was that time when got elected as class president, I thought it's just simply as directing people to do a task then I just stay relaxed but when school activities started, meetings rushed in and pressures from the teachers popped, I was going crazy all over the place. Running back and forth, even sidewards  just to accomplish a task, monitor my officers and my members plus the pressure of a senior watching my steps and decisions. Those days were exhausting , it's like my body lacks energy to proceed. Damn! I regretted being the president although I have no choice, all votes were unanimous for my name i'm not bragging and all it was decided and I cannot back-out even if I wanted to. The worst part of being the president was catching and taking responsibility of your co-officer even if it was out of my league; being part of a Beauty Contest (BRAIN + BEAUTY) I didn't even possess those two, inspite of whatever reasons I say for an excuse it was not worth acceptable for some of my teachers and for everybody else. Once you've been pointed, there's no way out, especially for me of course because of my damn sense of obedience plus the pressure of my teachers and our seniors I wass left with my pride hurt and shattered.
     I never thought I would say yes when I don't know what the hell am I going to do. My teachers said it would be just easy posing and walking on the stage; Easy! what's so easy about showing my face on public, walking and posing like a statue, I'm not used to exposing myself on public especially with hundreds of people watching me.Then the day of the beauty contest started, I just calmed and didn't expect anything; i did my best and applied what our instructor told us on practice but stage fright is never gone. Although I didn't win anything on that night I can say that I'm proud of myself realizing that I have the GUT to do all those things even if I didn't expect it.

      This school year I was demoted to being the Vice President of our class, which for me is a relief because in this position ít's not as exhausting as being the president BUT! it lead to a more complicating, pressuring and stressing kind of a job because I was elected as being the SBO Treasurer of the Whole Student Body Organization, imagine that! the whole school, the students it's like being a part of the office! Damn! although it's fun holding a big amount of money with the feeling of a millionaire for a while is not as enjoying as it is. During our Acquaintance party I was the one collecting money from room to room (really from 1rst year to 4th year) going up and down using the stairs gave me a strong legs but it was an agony the stress of calculating numbers even if it was simply plus and minus was horrific and going to the venue to pay the rent. The most difficult task was collecting money after the event to pay for the balance was difficult because going room to room to collect the money from the treasurers making excuses of no one paying is mind bugging! it's like they're just taking me that easy. Uurgh! I wish they realize that it's embarassing to go to the owner giving partial payments instead of giving the full amount. Oh well what can I do, I didn't think I could be a part of the Student Organization although I dreamed of becoming one. The pressures and stress from our president is annoying, I am trying to follow as hard as I can and manage my time of responsibility and studies well.

       I am not a superwoman to do everything at once but giving my best shot and not imagining the stress tied with responsibility will be helpful. I just wish I can do if not everything right but just acceptable in a way everyone sees my efforts.

Expectations!

    I hate it when people is expecting something about me! 

It's feels like they're pressuring me to become what they want me to be, you can see it in their eyes even if they didn't say a word. It's like there's no room for me to commit a mistake.That one look in their face when I fail seems like a big cross in my back. The feeling of their disappointment plus mine is hard to cope with. All I do is breakdown and cry in my room screaming "WHY ME?!", wishing to die. It was strike 2 you know, how can I undo all the things I've done? I really don't know what to think of myself anymore. It's like I'm making the same mistake over and over again but never learn from them, something's trying to pull me down even if I'm trying to pick myself up.

Expectations from my parents and my teachers is hard to achieve, I've sacrificed almost everything just to get their approval and yet it feels like they're not satisfied. Can't you understand?! in this situation I need your words of encouragement don't just say it, show it! so that I would know which path to go now that I'm lost. I don't want to be a snail hiding inside of his shell forever. I wish telephone booths were made where in you can turn back time so that I was able to prepare myself but this is reality, there is no time to daydream of impossible things. I have to accept what has happened even if it was that painful for me.

In life there are unexpected twists and turns, some may back down and give up but what I learned is to keep moving forward, it's hard at first but when you slowly  walk and experience more important matters other than feeling a failure at everything. I'll learn to see the other side of life and not give up on what I've dreamed of because this is not the time to retreat, I've already started the battle so I must finish it.

Who was I?

Who was I?

• When I keep your tears from falling
• When I come to ease your pain and sit by your side
• To believe that I was your BEST FRIEND

Am I just another memory to forget?

Is it just a mistake when I held your hand when I felt scared to fall because I taught you would catch me when I break into pieces?

This Love Story has not yet started yet the the first chapter seems to have been written with THE END...

Go P-NOY

            I just realized that we already have a new President, I was blanked out at first because not knowing that he was the one I marked during the elections in the confidence that he will be the right choice and the right person to trust our country with.

            Now that you have been proclaimed as the official president and sitting at the place of service, I am hoping that you'll give us the CHANGE we aspired and as what you have mentioned in your speech. Living as a simple man with dreams of helping our country is the thing I admire in you, with the background of your parents as noble persons I knew I chose the right one. The words you said during the elections are what we expect in your six years of service to our country, those promises is what we anticipate. The hardest job is now in your hands but you are not alone, we are here to help you as hard as we can although we're a bit nuisance and sometimes lazy, with your patience and guidance to lead us we will be strong and united.

I survived June!

I was happy when i looked at the calendar, it was now the month of July! I just realized the first day of school in June was definitely not the best one. We already got into our first lesson in the first week! I thought it would be relaxing because it's the first day but no, our teacher was excited and gave us tons of home works and the following days gave us a quiz. It was way hard to study when your mind has not left day dreaming of summer vacation but in spite of it all, i survived the month June. I know it's shallow to be happy with just experiencing one month of school but I'm proud of myself. The stressful days of the first semester has started, i have tons of research, home work and quizzes to attend to I'm terrified of what's going to happen next but i won't give up! I already survived June and my most powerful weapon is PRAYER, there is nothing impossible when you're trusting him. :)

Undefined Love

 When you thought you had a chance with love, it all comes breaking down with just a few words said. Not knowing it could be true or not, whether it's either of the two, you just suddenly step back and runaway regretting those you thought to be special times then blaming yourself by saying "why did I fell in love with you?" Stupidity is the best answer we can think of. Depressing yourself by saying "I don't want to fall for you!" is not an option. You can't just control or hide what you really feel for that "someone" it shows automatically.

I hate this gooey feeling called "love" the more you expect, the more you are hurt and the hard part is you can't show it. It’s contagious and irreversible once you’re caught; it’s a curse that can’t be cured. Why do we have to fall in love? It’s the biggest question that has many answers but what I’ve learned is that it is part of the human life cycle. We can’t avoid it, everyone must go through it. If it’s that easy to explain then why is it hard for one to cope with it?

If you like someone, why is it hard for us to tell them? It's the best thing to do but difficult for us to accomplish because we fear "rejection" then why are we waiting? If we know there's no chance? Maybe that feeling called "happiness" is one word that best describes it all. The times when you're together is like a puzzle that has been completed, the emptiness is filled with enjoying moments when you're with him in spite of his mistakes and annoying attitude. We can't help jealousy overcome us even if we don't have the authority but what can we do? It's the way love takes us and tells us. We keep on hurting ourselves with those obvious moments, it’s like they’re telling us that we have no chance but deep inside you don’t care as long as we’re happy there is nothing bad about it. Those fantasies about me + you = love is inspiring yet when it comes to reality it is me + you = never, because your thinking that maybe he doesn’t feel the same about you. Those moments might just be nothing or you’re just pushing yourself to someone who doesn’t deserve you. Telling yourself to move forward is hard to do because it all flashes back to when you’re with him.

I keep on telling myself before that love is not worth taking seriously because it’s just like playing a game but when I experienced it, it’s that difficult to deal with especially when you thought you fell in love with the wrong or right person.

Dedicated to SHREK! :) (as glee call him/her)

Dear Shrek,

WTF is wrong with you??!!Don't just pop- up like someone we know and start judging our friend because you don't know the whole story. YOU ruined the fun. It was all just a joke until you became visible. Before you start saying nonsense things, look at yourself in a room full of mirrors and tell us what we can't see. Don't just blend- in in our circle because you wouldn't understand us anyway. Don't go GAGA over such matter and act affected because you're the one looking paranoid. Go find another circle to blend- in because you are not welcome at ours, step away from our line and we'll be okay. GOODBYE!

>>>>Hahahaha sorry buang man gud ko, ily rOe<<<<

Class is Starting!!

Summer Vacation is OVER!!! and class is starting. 

              1st semester is soon opening and I'm anxious yet terrified of our new subjects, especially our teachers. Whatever comes I will conquer it all, I shouted at my mind. There are many what if's going on my brain right now. I think I'm going to explode of thinking about the disappointments, the stress and the GRADES! that's my main  problem. Who isn't? hahaha

              Well if everything's going to be smooth sailing, I will survive. I think I'm going to sing it for a while to ease my mind off stressful things.(hahaha) Another thing, my dearest thomaxianz is going to leave for CEBU next week!! No more fun times! No more fiestas! No more seeing a movie at A Mall! :( I'm so sad. I wish I could be there with them so I'll be updated of all the events, chikas and FREE FOOD!hahaha. I'm going to miss them so much! It's a sacrifice worth taking because I know we'll see each other again. Time is ticking fast, the world revolves instantly and the day passes by with just a single snap but when important events come time will surely slowdown.

               Good Luck to all of us students! We are nearly on the finishing line, there's no time to give up or worth taking a rest. The struggles may be hard for us to face but with a set GOAL no one can stop us from reaching what we dreamed of. :)

ShadOw

Why do i feel like everyone hates me? I try so hard everyday to be of a company but at the end of the day they avoid me and I was left at the corner alone, just me and my shadow sitting. I ask myself, is there something wrong with me? that they just runaway without saying a thing?

I'd like to be a friend that can be relied on or someone that can be talked to somehow ease problems but how can I do that if no one wants to give me a chance? I somehow act bossy but it's my way of helping you to be responsible. We are not CHILDREN anymore, we are mature adults that have responsibilities to face, we can't just do horse-playing whenever we want. I want to understand you but you must also understand me.

I'm like a shadow to this milieu, I exist but somehow no one recognizes me, no one wants to get involved with me, no one wants to be my friend.

Fantasy

Wish I could be your princess just as you were my prince.

 

We could have an unforgettable love story with a happy ending just like the storybook my mom used to read me.

We could have a song, play it on the radio and sing until we lose our breath.

Invent a cute name we call each other to make it sweeter.

We could hang around go anywhere we like until our our feet gets tired and then you'll ask me to ride on your back on the way home even if you're all exhausted.

Although I know I'm not the one you want, hope you'll soon realize that you belong with me.

Lost and Found

“Memories are to be remembered, pictures are to be treasured”

            I seemed to have lost track of the past. I was just sitting around with nothing to do and as always watching TV, munching whatever my hands holds more like a coach potato as they describe. My mom saw the box full of assorted photos from the old days and of course with me laying around I was the target, asked me to put it all in the album, in my mind, I wouldn’t dare to take a look or touch it at all, it was full of dust and I can’t bear holding it without sneezing out loud. I didn’t know what happened that I just took it cautiously and poured everything out from the box. Then I started flipping the pictures with my fingers, it was nostalgic! Like magic that brought me back to the past.

            The memories I seemed to have lost was now found, so I thought. Although I was hesitant to do what was asked, I have no time to rebel because after a minute the lights were off and the TV blacked out, BROWNOUT! I screamed and so I busied myself with the putting the pictures. It was embarrassing looking at our old photos, especially with me in it. I was chubby then and I couldn’t bear to look at myself in the mirror, my friends even my relatives would tease me but enough of my dramas it’s another story to tell. Even though there were humiliating photos no matter how awkward it was it wouldn’t be much of a memory if there wasn’t one. Relentless of those flashbacks, there were good ones that I’ve found for example my dad holding me when I was a baby and my grandpa sitting in a wooden chair. I never knew there was one; I grew up learning that my lolo (in my father’s side) has always been in Bicol (his home town) and never travels. I was amazed seeing that one picture of us three. The second picture was in Manila in my uncle’s house it was my lolo’s 90^th birthday, we were the one’s visiting him always me, my dad and my little brother every summer break to reconnect with my cousins, aunts and uncles in spite of the exhausting travel getting there it was very nice bonding with them and I always see myself smiling brightly during those times.

            I just realized then, all of those photos looking at it with just a single peek takes me back ambiguously to different scenes that are vague but now I fully understand why it all happened, how memorable it was that I just forgot it all. Shame on me, I thought it was senseless and boring looking and remembering the past but it was worth the little time I spend picking the pieces and putting it to where it belongs “The treasure box in my Heart”.

Living a Simple Life

Just like in the fairy tales, as a child we always dreamed of marrying our prince charming, having children and live a simple life. But as the world continues to revolve, modernization steps in and life gets more complicated. How can people live a simple life if everyday they always struggle to be richer and eliminate competitions on the way?

Having a simple life is what we sometimes dreamed of; living in a comfortable house, having a complete family every meal and content of what we have. As of today, people tend to forget and underestimate the power of simplicity because of modern technologies appearing before our eyes, those luxurious things we want to make life easier as it is. Do we think and ponder how these things have affected us in becoming lethargic? And even simple tasks are barely done. With the lifestyle we grew in we have learned that living in simplicity is not enough to survive everyday, we are likely to battle our way to become more superior to others even if it means throwing them out. Compared to the past, people knew then that whatever they have is always a blessing and should be thankful for it. The simple yet bountiful life they had is a mere reflection of what living is about; it is not a survival of the fittest but a struggle of having a happy and content life.

Living in luxury or in simplicity is not a choice but a decision to make, whatever we choose between the two we should always consider our happiness and satisfaction.